Comments

  1. I find it so hard to keep a straight face sometimes when my daughter is mad at me! However I don’t agree with not letting them know their words hurt your feelings. I always tell my daughter if she says things would do that #kcacols

    • Yes, that was the one piece of the article that I initially balked at too. I had uttered the words, “You hurt my feelings” so many times and never thought there was anything wrong with doing so. Other readers also have had a problem with that advice.

      Perhaps there is a way to communicate when your child says something hurtful while still maintaining control over the situation?

      Thanks for commenting!

  2. It sounds like I need to use these tips! I am not great at being composed and not rising to things at all. I inadvertently end up shouting!

    Thank you for linking up to #KCACOLS and I hope to see you back again on Sunday x

    • I could also make the argument that the shouting response is an honest one! Get me at the wrong moment and I might react that way as well.

      Also I can’t say that I will find these insults at ALL amusing when my kids are a few years older!

      Best of luck to you and thanks for stopping by!

  3. Luckily I don’t have to deal with this just yet as my son isn’t using sentences yet, but I struggle with the laughter at times when he’s being cheeky! I’m sure he’ll have some choice insults for me in a year’s time – will keep this advice in mind! Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

    • Well Ms. Katy, you are in for a treat! 😉 In my (limited) experience with a little boy, they feel VERY deeply – both love and anger. That anger’s got to come out somehow! But it’s worth the trade-off to get their undying adoration. Thank you for your comments!

  4. I definitely would tell my son that my feelings are hurt. Firstly, it would be the honest response from me and secondly that would give him the understanding if/when he behaves the same way with others there is uniformity to the response and realise his mother isn’t devoid of feelings.

    As for giving him power, what is wrong with that? For someone who’s rights were often taken away as a child, I do believe strongly in legitimising children and allowing them to understand the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. I’ve seen parents at the school gate withdrawing from their kids who only needed their mum or dad’s love and attention. Makes me feel so sad.

    Over the course of 11 years I’ve heard some colourful insults and we’ve always talked it out with one or the other of us apologising. 100% of the time the problem has been resolved with some good old fashioned listening on both sides. All they want is our time. xJo #KCALCOLS

    • Yes, I have many a time told my children that they have hurt my feelings also, which is why that piece of advice was surprising to me. Maybe the “experts” don’t know it all, right? 😉

      As for the giving them power deal, I think that there is absolutely a time when it is appropriate to empower children. I am very big on giving my children choices (which can drive my husband a bit batty). When it comes to the naughty behavior, that’s when I take back the reins and the control over the situation (at least, that’s what I *attempt* to do!).

      You are spot on with the importance of listening. Even though my twins are so little, I still find that if I am patient with hearing about what they are thinking, most arguments are diffused.

      I appreciate your thoughtful comments and candor!

  5. Ive used a few of these techniques over the last 10+ years of working with children, most used is the disengagement.. dont engage and they get bored, simple. With my own children though I find it hilarious and on occasions have burst out laughing to which everyone then starts laughing and the children forget what even happened lol I have held back the laughing on so many occasions that my eyes water haha #fabfridaypost

  6. Wow that’s really interesting. We’re not yet at that stage but I don’t think it’s far off and my daughter can sometimes smack in anger – trying to deal with it in the right way can be challenge and sometimes I don’t know if I’m doing right for doing wrong so this certainly was a good read for me. Thanks for sharing it with us at #familyfun xx

    • Ohhhh, the smacking. Boy I don’t miss those days. I could never retain a sense of humor after I was swatted at, but do much better with the verbal beating. Hopefully you will not have to deal with it any time soon! Thanks for writing in!

  7. The disengage thing is the one thing that really winds my son up, he wants me to react and argue but when I don’t it sends him over the edge. Eventually he calms down and comes and apologises though and I know I haven’t send anything hurtful back (out loud anyway), so I know it’s the right tactic. Mind you, I haven’t actually needed to do it for months now (he’s 7) so maybe he’s learnt his lesson x
    #Momsterslink

    • Disengaging does seem to be the common approach that is working for the parents who have written in…overwhelmingly so. Great to hear that it is still working for a 7 year old. Sounds like you have a good kid there who is sensitive enough to apologize to mom. A hard thing to do! Thanks for your comments, Alana!

  8. It’s so tough when they get like this, my son goes through stages of me not being his best friend!! just try to smile and think at this age they don’t really understand too much. Thanks for linking up #bestandworst

  9. My son is still quite small so I’ve not got the insults yet! This is all good advice. We’re parents and sometimes that means not being their friend! Thanks for linking up to #familyfun

  10. If your kids aren’t mad at you, you aren’t doing it right. At least that’s my motto.

    I always disengage and nine times out of ten, my kids will quickly recognize they were out of line and apologize without prompting.

    Great post! #momsterslink

  11. I never though about how telling children that their words hurt gives them more power. I’ll definitely be thinking about this next time my 7-year-old gets angry at me and starts shouting insults (probably later today). Thanks for sharing at the #happynowlinkup!

  12. Really great advice here. Over the Summer holidays, my little boy (5yo) was so naughty I must say, and so I asked him: Why is he so good at school and why he is so naughty to me? He answered: “Because Mummy doesn’t have rules.” I felt like crying! :'( Then I went a a sulk. I didn’t speak to him for the rest of the day. I think he had learnt his lesson well. lol! Thank you so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost xx

    • You and I are a lot alike! I often will say to my kids, “I know you don’t do (xyz) at school. Why do you do it with me?” If my kids were being honest, they would say what your son said to you. They just feel safe to be themselves with us…that’s it! But I am sure that I would have had the same reaction. I get my feelings hurt horribly sometimes by my kids and need to get over it! Thank you for taking the time to read and comment! #fabfridaypost

  13. It’s a tough one as kids are getting so much older before their time.my ten year old niece is like a teenager already. I’m not looking forward to disciplining ben when he’s older #momsterslink

  14. Got to tell you, I have been working on the disengage part as a high school teacher for years. I’m going to have it down by the time my son really gets talking. It works though! #momsterslink

    • I just tried out today this response, “You are behaving rudely to me and I do not want to be around you right now. Goodbye.” That straightened his little butt out, believe it or not! Time will tell if that was a fluke or not! Thanks for your comments. #happynowlinkup

  15. My 4 year old is always mad at me too! It’s like the harder we try to get her to act like a respectful human being, the more of a tool she is. *sigh* Thanks for sharing on the #fabfridaypost link up!

  16. Oh bless him, he sounds just like my 3 year old! He says such similar things. I struggle so much not to laugh though! I love these tips, I will give these a try! #sharingthebloglove x

  17. Oh my goodness this happens more than i would like in my house with my teenagers. Sometimes I react and say “how dare you speak to me like that” other times I will ignore them – neither solves the problem – it still happens again but I have to say it is because they are both asserting their independence and pushing those boundaries, it happened less when they were younger. #FamilyFun

    • Oh gosh, thanks for the heads up Jo! So it’s going to get worse before it gets better, huh? It’s a good thing you have the perspective that you do (which makes perfect sense, by the way). So very important to understand how their young minds tick as best as we can. Thanks for your input! #FamilyFun

  18. I think I would have the same response as you – trying to hide the laughter. I know it’s rude and all that, but sometimes the insults kids come up are hilarious!
    Thanks for linking up to #BloggerClubUK
    Debbie

  19. All of the nuggets you mention are indeed helpful. I always feel conflicted over the ‘giving your child power’ and making them feel like they are nothing, sort of belittling their littleness, you know by exercising my power because I can. At the same time, I also believe that as a parent, we actually DO know better 99% of the time and sometimes it is just simpler to tell them to do something, instead of asking.

    It’s sad that Will had to have Daddy leave him to take a call. This happens at our house too but mostly because we are distracted by technology and its so not fair to the kids. Again though, some of this may even be healthy for the kids to know that while they are a priority, mom and dad also need to do some things for themselves. Such temporary separation may teach them about responsibilities, and such. #bestandworst

    • Suchitra, it certainly does get me thinking that there is a flip side to every expert opinion. There are a lot of advantages to empowering little ones – a big one being building their confidence. Perhaps it is more of a contextual thing.

      Thank you for your comments!
      #bestandworst

  20. They sound like mini teenagers. Glad you have been able to disengage and walk away. I doubt either will end up a serial killer who throws victim’s remains into piles of dog food … though I suppose you never know! 😉

  21. Oh the disengage one is so tough for me. Sometimes I just need to take a deep breath and step aside for a moment. Fifteen years in and I am still a work in progress on this whole mommy business 🙂

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